Mother, Daughter

  

Mother

"To love another person is to see the face of God." - Victor Hugo

Here is my Piper. I can't get enough of this sweet face. I remember looking at it for the first time right after she was born. One minute I had no clue what she looked like, and then I laid eyes on her and knew I would do anything for her. I'd never seen anything so beautiful. In that moment, my capacity to love another person exploded. My heart became deeper and softer.

Now as she grows, I can look at her and, sometimes, catch a glimpse of that little infant face. My girl is getting big. That little baby that changed my world is growing up, gaining a spirit of adventure and exploration, accomplishing amazing tasks, always keeping me surprised.

Motherhood is nothing like I expected it to be - it is bigger and wilder.  I've never done anything more substantial. And I couldn't have picked a sweeter little girl to share this journey with. Piper Lynn, you've got me, girl.

Daughter

"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved." - Victor Hugo

One of the most interesting parts of being a mom is simultaneously being a daughter. I remember the first time I talked to my mom after Piper was born. She told me, "Now you understand how I feel about you," and I burst into tears. 

I remember being a little kid and having this over-the-top fear that my house was going to burn down. Whenever I laid down to sleep, my imagination ran wild and I called out to my mom in fear. One night, my mom crawled in bed with me and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was scared of my siblings and me being trapped in a burning house. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Emily, if our house caught on fire, I would never leave unless I knew you three were safe." At the time I believed her, but I didn't really understand how she would be brave enough to say that. Now I get it.  Now I know what it is like to be absolutely sure that you would never abandon someone and that you would trade your life for theirs without blinking an eye.

To think that my mom feels that way about me, that same way that I feel about Piper, is staggering.

Today I am so thankful to be a woman so that I can experience being a mother and a daughter. I am unspeakably grateful for the women who have gone before me and shown me how to be brave, intelligent, gentle, strong, and kind. And I am so thankful for Piper, who turned me into a mama and teaches me beautiful things everyday. 

And I'm sure this song got posted all over the internet today, but I'm going to post it here to because it captures the mother- daughter relationship so well. I can't listen to it without getting a little teary-eyed. So here it is, for my mom and for Piper...

Taylor Swift – The Best Day

Photo Credit: JD Pet Photography

Remember When

I remember being a little kid and flipping through my mom's photo albums. I would always laugh at my dad's funny hair cuts (he had a perm at one point) and my mom's bell-bottoms. I loved seeing my grandparents pre-retirement with more strength than they have now. Old pictures of weddings, babies, families.

Memories. Moments immortalized. 

I'm so pleased when I look at the pictures below. I think of twenty years down the road when Piper will have these pictures at her wedding. Or thirty years down the road when Bryce and I will show these to our grandbabies. Or when we will have these pictures on the wall of our home when we are sixty and people will ask if that is "really us" because we will look so different with age. Or when we're eighty and our health will be gone and we will spend our days looking at these photos and quietly "remembering when."

For now, I'll look at these pictures and listen to this song and get a little teary eyed.

"Remember when we said when we turn gray

when the children grow up and move away

we won't be sad

we'll be glad

for all the life we've had

and we'll remember when."

Alan Jackson – Remember When  (click to listen)

My cousin Jayme (see here, here, and here) took these pictures. Didn't she do a fantastic job? And would you believe we were her first human photo shoot? Jayme recently started her own business, JD Pet Photography. Jayme is an animal lover to the core and takes AMAZING photos of them. I swear she can connect with any animal she sees. Well, it turns out Jayme has a knack for photographing humans as well. I can't believe how well these pictures turned out, especially since we started out with a very grumpy three-year-old and some nasty weather. She was so relaxed and made everything feel natural.  You can read her thoughts about our photo session on her blog by clicking here.

Today, Jayme gave me a CD with 267 pictures on it, and every shot is awesome. It was so hard to pick which pictures of us three to put on this post. I've decided I am going to write updates on our family members with pictures of each individual. There are so many great shots, so stay tuned!

I give Jayme a humungous recommendation if you want your pets or your humans photographed. You can find information on her website (http://www.jdpetphotography.net/). Jayme's prices are unbeatable and she is currently hosting 2 GIVEAWAYS. Here's how to enter:

1. Anyone who "likes" her Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/JDPetPhotography) will be entered to win a free photo shoot. She will announce the winner as soon as she gets 250 "likes".

2. If you refer friends and family to her and she books 2 sessions from your referrals, she will give you a free shoot. So spread the word!

Thanks for reading, and, as I said, check back for more of these pictures and family updates.

Glory and Direction

 "It might be true that the sun rises regularly because he never gets tired of rising. His routine might be due, not to a lifelessness, but to a rush of life." - G.K. Chesterton

Glory

I haven't blogged for a while, not for a lack of inspiration, but for an abundance. So much has happened in the last few weeks. Profound things. Things that are hard to put into a blog because they are so wondrous. It is hard to know how to write about them without cheapening them.

I had my first patient die during my shift a couple weeks ago. I can't write much about it due to privacy laws and out of respect for the family. But I know this was a moment in time that I will never forget and that has impacted me to the core.

I've never seen anyone die before this. There was something about watching my patient's chest rise and fall for the last time that makes every breath I take seem more glorious.  If you would, take a slow, deep breath all the way down to the bases of your lungs. Doesn't it feel great?

Bryce told me that he has noticed something different about me recently. He called it a "new optimism."  And I think the source of this is a new perspective. In light of my patient's death, life seems incredible. The feel of my baby's soft skin, the sparkle in my husband's eyes, the astounding beauty of the sunrise....

Direction

With all of this in mind, I am starting to gain direction. At this point, I would love to start out working in an oncology unit and then get my certification in hospice and palliative care nursing. My time in clinicals has shown me that this is where my passion lies. And I have a few reasons for thinking this...

The first is what I wrote above...how being around death always makes me reevaluate life and live with more vigor.

Furthermore, there is a huge need for nurses who are skilled at increasing quality of life for people with terminal illnesses and making them comfortable if they come to death. I am currently doing my practicum in an oncology unit, and I never feel like I am wasting my time. I always walk away from the day thinking that what I did mattered. It is such a gift to ease the pain of a family's darkest moments.

Also, I love the relational aspect of this field. As opposed to other areas of nursing, which are more fast-paced, one of the most important responsibilities for a nurse in this area is emotional support, which suits me better. I was telling a friend the other day that I have the brain of a scientist, but the heart of an artist. While the concepts of biology and medicine are (relatively) easy for me to learn, my heart lies in interactions, beauty, feelings, and expression. I need to be able to connect with the people I treat.

Finally, I have a philosophy and theology that help me sort through and cope with the issues of sickness and death, so that I don't fall into despair. My beliefs have changed significantly in the last six months, and if you've talked to me about them before, they are probably a lot different now. I don't really want to go into it on this blog. However, as it relates to me as a nurse, I feel like I can deal with these grim situations because I have hope, and light, and peace.

I posted this video on my Facebook a few weeks ago, but it explains perfectly what I want to do (that is, if I can build up the courage to take all of this into pediatrics, which is a whole different ball game). Even if you aren't interested in me or nursing in general, I think everyone can take something from this video.

Thanks for reading. Soon I will be posting family pictures and a giveaway, so check back.

P.S. The photo above was taken by Piper. Not bad for a 3-year-old, huh?

Blue Like Jazz

Here's how the story goes...

I first read Blue Like Jazz as a junior in high school. A friend lent me his copy and I was immediately taken in my Don Miller's poetic outlook. I flew through the book and then found myself bringing it up in conversation after conversation, truly stimulated by what Miller wrote. I would talk about the book with anyone who would listen. I had Blue Like Jazz on the brain. This was right about the time that I started looking for colleges. I knew I wanted to go out of state, and all the sudden, Portland, the setting of the book, seemed pretty intriguing. One visit to Portland and one scholarship later, I was on my way to becoming an Oregonian. The first day I got here, I met Bryce. But the story gets better...

Three months after living in Oregon I decided to move back to Colorado for a few different reasons. But when I got back home, nothing felt quite right. I found myself missing Portland and the friends I had made here. So, Spring Break of 2007, I came back for a visit. Bryce and I had already lost touch since I moved away, so I wasn't planning on hanging out with him much. But, as providence would have it, he was the only person who could pick me up from the airport. From there we made plans to go to dinner with some friends, and then we all decided to get breakfast the next day, and the next thing we knew, we had spent four whole days in groups together. But, half way through my visit, Bryce was supposed to leave on a trip to India. I dropped him off at the airport. I happened to have Blue Like Jazz with me, intending to reread it on my visit. As he was leaving I said, "Oh, you should take this with you. It might help you pass some time on the plane." And here is where it gets interesting...

Bryce read Blue Like Jazz in a straight shot while he was on the plane. At one point in the book, Miller says, " I think if you like somebody you have to tell them. It might be embarrassing to say it, but you will never regret stepping up." Unbeknownst to me, who in all honesty thought dropping Bryce off at the airport would be the last time I saw him, Bryce had decided he liked me. So, as soon as he got off the plane for his layover in Singapore, he made a bee-line for the nearest airport computer and sent me a little email saying he knew he was coming out of left field, but that he liked me and he just thought he should tell me.

Over the next month, emails became phone calls, and phone calls became summer plans for visits, and plans for visits turned into me moving to Oregon for three months to give things a shot. We were engaged by the end of that summer and married by the end of the year. All thanks to a little courage Bryce got from reading Blue Like Jazz :).

I'm writing all this because Blue Like Jazz the movie came out tonight. Bryce and I are going to see it tomorrow. The trailer looks cool, but who knows if the movie will be any good. In any case, I am excited to see it not only because I love the story, but also because I love this city. The book takes place at Reed College, which is about 15 minutes from our front door, so it will be fun to see some familiar sights.

Other than some fun Portland scenery, I'm not sure what to expect from the movie. Except this, I am expecting that the book will be better. Because, after all, the book is always better. So, go pick up a copy of the book, maybe go see the movie while you're at it, and after that, be sure to tell the girl you have a crush on that you like her. I bet you'll be happy you did.

A Home Tour Like You've Never Seen Before

     Ok, ok. Let me start this blog by saying that the picture above is totally a joke. I'm not really conceited enough to actually post that. In fact, writing this post is kind of hard for me because it is about an issue that makes me self-conscious...my housekeeping.

     I want to write this because the internet has become a place of competition. I know this is totally a first world problem, but it can really impact peoples' lives. Many of us, including me, have fallen into the trap of electronic "keeping up-with the Joneses." Who can take the prettiest pictures? Who makes the coolest crafts? Who posts the best songs? 

      I read blogs that are supposed to be about peoples' regular lives, and the pictures I see are completely flawless. The house is spotless, the kids are well-dressed, there is a feast on the table, and the mom is in high heels. I, too, am guilty of attempting to portray a perfect image. I've totally edited some pictures so that you can't see the mess in the living room, or that Piper has a huge stain on her shirt, or that my boots didn't match my outfit. All of this isn't surprising because social networks are an extension of who we are, and we are people who want to display our best. And there isn't anything wrong with that desire. 

     However, what I don't like about this (or maybe I should say "what I don't like about me") is that it causes me to feel embarrassed. No matter how many times I tell myself, "Nobody has it all together,", I start to think that I am inadequate. After all, comparison is the thief of joy.

    Thus, I want to make a confession. I, Emily Hambelton, have a messy house. No matter how much I try to stay on top of it, it doesn't happen. And it really, really bothers me. I don't invite people over very often because I feel really ashamed, especially if they make any sort of comment about it. In fact, as I write this, I am hiding in my room because Bryce has a friend over and I am literally too embarrassed by our house to go hang out with them. It can be incapacitating. When I do invite people over, I spend hours cleaning ahead of time in order to maintain the appearance that I am on my game. Sometimes I tell myself that, "I just want people to feel comfortable when they come over,", but what it really comes down to is that I am very afraid, truly afraid, that people will think I'm lazy. I'm scared that, because my house isn't clean, people will think I'm not a hard worker. 

     So posting this is my attempt at conquering my fears and accepting the fact that I am not a tidy person, no matter how much I want or try to be. There  are a few reason I have not been able to become a tidy person. First, if other people aren't coming over, a clean house isn't one of my priorities. Yes, a clean house makes me feel great. But, I'd rather take Piper to the park. Or play guitar. Or write this blog. Or, hell, watch a TV show. When it comes down to it, I could either have free/family time, or I could clean. And I will always pick the former over the latter. The second is that we are in a crazy stage of life right now. This is where the picture posted above comes in. Most days it feels like we are constantly rushing out the door. You would laugh at the amount of accomplishment I feel if the three of us leave the apartment and we are all dressed (although always disheveled) and on time (which in my mind means no more than 15 minutes late). We're just busy. Finally, we have three people who aren't good at picking up after themselves living in a small apartment. Messes accumulate faster than I can keep up with, so cleaning often seems futile. At this point, it is nearly impossible to keep things clean. I know I am making excuses, but I am also just trying to say what is true. There aren't enough hours in the day to keep my house clean, and even if there were, I might not use them to clean anyway.

   
     The second reason I am posting this is for the sake of any readers who can relate to what I feel. When you guys are feeling down and think that everyone else seems so much more put-together than you, just know that I'm not. I feel ya. And whatever area it is that you feel like you can't keep up with, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with your messy house. I'm okay with your troubled marriage. I'm okay with your poorly mannered child. I'm okay with your lack of style. I'm okay with whatever it is that makes you insecure. Because, trust me, I'm insecure too.

     And now, a tour of our home:

 Here is the entry way. I'd like to point out:

•  The shoes that did not make it into the shoe basket.
• The mountain of coats on the coat rack.
• The pile of recycling that has been waiting to be taken out for a couple days now.
• The boxes of clothes and books (behind the recycling) that have been waiting in that spot for over a month, and will continue to wait until we actually have the time take them to Good Will.
• And the bulging closet door to the left. You don't want to know how much junk has been shoved into that closet.

Down the hall and to the right is our bedroom. Notice:

• The unmade bed.
• The clothes strewn everywhere. I couldn't capture it all in this picture, but there is a giant pile of clean laundry on the floor by the bed.
• The broken curtain rod that will probably never be fixed.
• And if you could see our nightstands, you would find them covered in junk - books, jewelry, cups, chapstick. Goodness knows how all that stuff accumulates.

Next there's Piper's room. Here you will see:

• A floor that is constantly covered in toys, and sometimes, remnants of her snacks.
• Baskets of laundry containing clothes that, eventually, will get worn before they get put away.
• Marker on the wall (back right) that I haven't washed off for a couple months.
• Mismatched sheets and blankets because they're always going through the laundry at different times.

 

If you are brave enough to keep walking down the hall, you'll come to the living area which is comprised of a living room, a dining room and a kitchen. In the living room you will see:

•  Piper's folding table that she demanded be moved into that room so she could watch a movie while we colored.
• The markers and paints that she dumped on the floor.
• Piper, half naked because she finished her bath at the same time I got the idea for this blog.
• The blanket, pillow, and tissues Bryce has been using while he is sick.
• Books and dishes piled just about anywhere there is room.

Then there's the dining room, where we never dine because the table and chairs are constantly burried under:

• Mail.
• Coats.
• Backpacks.
• Groceries.
• And all the other stuff that we seem to bring home.
• Also, notice the balloons on the floor that have somehow survived since Piper's birthday, FOUR MONTHS AGO. They really need to be thrown away.

And finally the kitchen. The dishes are endless.

     Phew, that felt good. Now to work up the courage to leave my hiding place here in my room and face Bryce's friend. :) Thanks for reading and for bearing with me and the messes that I make.

Lightness Giveaway Winner

After assigning numbers to each individual entry and using random.org to select a number, the winner of the Lightnest Giveaway is....

Heather Hoffman!

Heather has been a friend of mine for many years. You can read a post I wrote about her by clicking here. Also, Heather writes her own blog at www.teamhoff.blogspot.com. Congratulations, Heather! I know you will love this bag.

Thanks to everyone who entered and showed support for Lightnest! I am hoping to host more giveaways in order to get the word out on other small businesses, so stay tuned for more opportunities.

GIVEAWAY: Lightnest Collective Bag

Hawthorne Tote from Lightnest

I am so excited for the first giveaway on my blog! All of you sweet readers have a chance at winning this Lightnest Collective bag for your very own. Isn't it adorable? Here is how you can enter:

1. "Like" Lightnest Collective's Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/lightnest) and leave a comment on my blog telling me that you did (include your name and your email address).

2. Subscribe to Paige's blog (www.wethreepilgrims.blogspot.com) and leave a comment on my blog telling me that you did (include your name and your email address). Paige is the creator of Lightnest. Her blog is my favorite to read.

3. "Favorite" Lightnest's etsy shop (http://www.etsy.com/shop/lightnest?ref=em) and leave a comment on my blog telling me that you did (include your name and your email address).

4. Post a Facebook or Twitter status with a link to this giveaway and leave a comment on my blog telling me that you did (include your name and your email address).

Each one of these is worth one entry and you can do all four, if you like. The more you do, the higher your chances of carrying this fantastic Hawthorne Tote in Grey Leaf! All entries must be in by Sunday. I will do a random drawing to pick the winner on Monday.

Let me take a minute to talk about Paige, the owner, seamstress, and photographer of Lightnest...

Paige and I have been friends for about three years. However, Paige moved to Georgia six months after we started growing close. Our friendship has been primarily long-distance. I have loved seeing our communication evolve from emails, to phone calls, to visits. She is one of my favorite people to talk to in the entire world. She is incredibly intelligent, transparent, compassionate, and funny. I seriously LOVE talking to her. C.S. Lewis says, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What? You too! I thought I was the only one."  I feel like Paige and I are always having those moments. There are few people in the world that I have connected with like I have with her. I'm unbelievably thankful to have her in my life.

A really cool aspect of knowing Paige has been watching her business grow. We went to visit her family for the first time a little over two years ago. Paige had just gotten her first DSLR camera and was taking pictures non-stop. That week, Paige told me of her dream to own her own business. And then, faster than I could believe, she made it happen! She taught herself how to take beautiful pictures and make these incredible bags. She opened her esty shop and started doing professional photo shoots.  She also started selling her bags at boutiques and craft fairs. Paige is amazingly artistic and I have been awed by everything she has done. On some of our visits, I have gotten to see her in action. She puts in long days of hard work, tons of mental energy, and sometimes tears. But I have never seen someone take so much joy in creating their art.

I am so proud of Paige and her hard work. I love her creative spirit, and all that has blossomed out of it. So, I am delighted to give away this bag. I wear a Lightnest bag everyday and get complimented on it all the time. Definitely my favorite accessory. I've also given Lightnest bags as gifts. They are high quality, pretty, and the perfect size. You should enter!

P.S. Paige created this new blog design for me. Isn't it cute? I'm telling you, everything she touches becomes more beautiful.